Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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