this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
