Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
