Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize