good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
