I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
