and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
