When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
