things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
