its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
