Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
