I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
