you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize