where does the pee come out of this thing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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