I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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