I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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