A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
