I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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