I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All the doctor said was why
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
