you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
