My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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