ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
