I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
