I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
