before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
