Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
false alarm. still invincible.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
