The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
