I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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