Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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