Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
