Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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