Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize