people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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