I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
