I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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