Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
