I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
