I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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