Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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