im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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