i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
