you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize