i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize