She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
