Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
