I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
