mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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