I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
