You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
