dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
