i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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