My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
