sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize