No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
