Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
