Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
