i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
