Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
