Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
