Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize