All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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