We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
