so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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