So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
God, I missed his penis.
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