the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
