I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize