it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
