I could have mohawked her pubes.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
